This feed contains the 10 most recent pages in the "family" category.

Yesterday evening, I god the news that my uncle Jacques (in France) had died the night before. I was at a loss... I had seen him just a few weeks ago, on a trip to see family in France. We were at a dinner at my cousin's, and Jacques, who had previously said he didn't want to join, decided to show up after all, explicitely to see me (we hadn't seen each other for 20-30 years, I believe). It's almost as if he knew...

I kind of fell apart yesterday evening, already being a bit emotional, this just added to it. Fortunately, I had a friend that could come over, keep me company and hold me when I needed it.

Rest in peace, oncle Jacques, and thank you for wanting to meet one last time.

Posted Nov 9, 2014 9:29:42 PM +0100 | Tags: family

This is a topic that I haven't talked much about, at least here. I have referred to family a few times, but that's not really talking about. Anna and I tagged each other as family on facebook, but did we really talk about what it truly means to us? I'm not sure.

I know I've talked about the meaning of family, both as a concept and as what it means to us personally with some of my previous partners, but that was a few years ago, and maybe it's time to reevaluate, or possibly regurgitate some thoughts on it.

So... why now? Why am I thinking of it now? ... well... it's a bit amusing, really, 'cause this was triggered by a (very good) analysis of Game of Thrones. The analysis talks about an aspect of the series that really goes through it all from the very start; "family" and all the different meanings that it can have. All those descriptions touched something inside, both an aspect of desires that I have and the sense of deeper loss that I currently experience.

In many ways, "family" has felt like a foreign concept to me... or rather, the way so many use it, as strong bonds in a group of people governed by blood lines has always been kind of weird in my mind. Sure, I can understand it as a description of blood ties, but this is emotionally meaningless to me. This is really most probably a rejection that I do based on the fairly dysfunctional relationship with my mom.

From having accepted the blood line concept of family, simply because I didn't know of any alternative, to having gone through a number of relationships where I didn't really get a sense of strong bonds with the group based on blood (not even with Lisa), I came to start talking about alternative interpretations of family not many years ago. The term "chosen family" was mentioned...

Chosen family is a concept I can grasp much more easily than "blood family". I find choice in itself very attractive, so there's no wonder, really, but that's not all. I find much greater value in strong bonds that are formed by desire, love, attraction, spirit and so on than any blood ties. It's about people that I choose to have in my life and that I strongly want to stay a major part of my life and stay close.
Does this mean that I look down on people that use the concept of blood ties? Nope, not in the least. I do feel sorry for those who look at blood ties but aren't comfortable with their blood family, it's true. However, I know quite a number of people who have very stong and beautiful relationships with their blood family, to the point that it's obviously also a family they choose. To be honest, I often envy them.

Something I've come to realise is that I'm really still looking. If there's anything I'm searching for, it's for a family.
And I know, some will yell at me and tell me that I Have A Family, and it's true, I do... by blood, and I'm sorry to say that that in and of itself isn't enough for me.
And I know, some will softly remind me that I do have a family, in friends that I keep close. And it's true, I do, there are a select few that I know for certain will always be around me and that I keep close, at least in my mind.
However, the family that I'm also searching for is the one formed by a loving relationship and what comes with it... and there are times when I think I've found it, and that is probably one of the many reasons why the end of the latest deeper relationship has been so devastating... 'cause I think I caught a deeper sense of family there, and it currently feels like family lost.

Posted Jun 17, 2013 10:18:37 AM +0200 | Tags: family

Today, after whining in frustration to a friend, it dawned on me that as much as I'd like to be friends with my mom, and as much as I'm envious of people close to me that are good friends with their moms, my mom isn't the kind of personality (at least with me) that I would choose to have as a friend.

This is a harsh realisation, and it's quite difficult to accept. I will have to, though, because the conflict of longing for a friendship that I wouldn't want is kind of deteriorating...
At the same time, it's kind of sad. It's like some part of me has to die... that longing part that just isn't on par with the reality of who I am and who my mom is. I guess that's what makes it so hard to accept.

Posted Mar 12, 2012 1:13:59 PM +0100 | Tags: family

To see all of them, check the archive-family.

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