I'm starting to get tired... or maybe it's just a momentary thing. I can't know that for sure, but that's how I feel for the moment.

I'm starting to get tired of relationships... or perhaps not of relationships in themselves, but how things have been going lately. They've been a bit quick, most of the relationships I've had of late, and I'm starting to tire of the game we play, hooking up, attaching, ending. Most of all, I'm tired of all the ends, they seem to tear me apart as of late. I seem to attach pretty strongly, to make strong ties within myself (and perhaps I'm not showing those ties well enough).

So I'm tired, I have no real desire to start anything new, or to maintain relationships where I don't feel a real drive.

I've told myself that maybe I'm just not cut for very long relationships, that short moments may be what's in for me, that maybe I should simply give in to how things are and work with that flow. However, the tragic part is that if I keep that in mind, I doubt that I would give myself fully, that I would get real close. Anticipation of an end does that, it builds a distance, it builds a thin wall. I really have no desire for that sort of life.
Sure, I can play, but does that fill me? Not really, not as far as I can see for the moment.

This mood that I'm in is, of course, affected by how life has been lately. Not bitternes, rather a strong look at how my life has been, what felt meaningful and what did less so, and looking at what I might really desire.

It's time for a cleanup in my life. Take out the clutter, keep what has meaning, stay with what I desire, let the rest go. And wait, for what might come, for who might appear (again?), with all the love I can feel and show. No rush.

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