When coming back from my weekend with Karin, Charlie greeted me with "I've been longing for you"... and I found myself not responding in kind... and it got me thinking about longing and how I relate to that.

This weekend was well defined, we all knew that I'd get over to Karin friday night and get back home some time sunday evening. I think that longing doesn't kick in within me when being away for such a short time as two days. I do know that I start feeling a tug when being away from a love for something like 3 or 4 days and neither of us clearly know when we will see each other again. I do know that I always have this tug of longing after being away from home for two weeks (which is a regular event with my trips to see Jacob).

But then also, it depends on the situation for each of us. Longing for a love also comes when being sad or generally needing or missing the closeness that love can give. But then, there's "need" and "missing", and again, I'm finding that when I know that my needs will be met at a fairly well defined and not too distant point in time, I'm fine. When I know that we have a deeply shared love, there's no missing either, even though we may be physically separated, as long as I know that we'll see each other again.

So why am I rambling about all of this? Well, maybe it's a fear of inbalance or unfairness because I wasn't longing (in the sense that I understand the word) when she was. But then again, is there a reason our personal emotions should be exactly the same? Nah, don't really think so, and that doesn't take away the deep love that we share, the joy of being together as well as seeing each other blossom, get through life, learn our lessons and use those lessons well, and simply live!

In the end, this entry was my process of getting rid of an old guilt that really doesn't belong with me any more (except to teach me exactly what I learned by wrinting this). Emotions are free, as is love, and that's as it should be.

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