It's quite apparent, really... my self esteem has had a pretty big blow. It became obvious when I talked with a friend today, one who's had a couple of tough years but seems to have recovered, and he talked about the pleasure of seeing his self esteem being back, and how that has effects around him... and hearing him talk hit home. It was hard to contain my tears at that moment (yeah, I know I didn't have to, but I wanted to hear him and not make the moment about me).

On the way home, I let my thoughts go on their own, see what came up. What came up was "not a keeper", and I cried again. Those words together with my desire for something long, for a relationship that lasts for more than just a few years... it hurt, and it was obvious where that belonged.