There are times when secrets piss me off!

Especially when there are friends that want to be anonymous but are still mentioned a little now and then, sometimes with a link to their blog written under an anonymous pseudonym, and sometimes not because the story would make it too obvious who it is!

Yeah, I know, respect, and I do respect them and their wishes, or I wouldn't give a flying fuck how they'd feel about it, so I guess that half of being pissed off is about myself and how I do take care of my friends even when it goes against my personal beliefs of openness and how it feels like I have to write contorted blog entries.

Actually, come to think of it, and now having had the possibility to scream a little bit, I realise that this isn't so much about them and a lot about me. I've lived a life of secrets, and sometimes lies, and I can't say I like it or what it leads to, at all.

All the energy spent keeping track of what to say and not to say, and to whom. All the energy spent on holding back, or sometimes lying and then subsequently having to remember the story (or even worse, stories). That's a lot of energy, let me tell you!

So why do I react so strongly? Does their choice mean that I have to make the same about my own life, my own emotions? Not really. All that isn't about me, except for the connection I have with them, and that's what really matters.

I can let go of this now.

Thank you.