<p>ⓒ Richard Levitte</p>
http://journal.richard.levitte.org/tags/bisexuality/Richard Levitte's journalikiwiki2008-08-11T22:17:24ZWhy come out at all?http://journal.richard.levitte.org/entries/why-come-out/2008-08-11T21:56:11Z2008-08-11T21:31:14Z
<p>The same question can really be asked about any action. Why do
we do what we do, why do we make certain big decisions.</p>
<p>In my case, it's about coming out as poly and as bisexual, and
it's currently happening at an increasing speed, or so it feels to
me. As I've said <a href=
"http://journal.richard.levitte.org/tags/bisexuality/../../entries/coming-out-as-poly-at-work/">earlier</a>, part of it
is a boost from my experience with <a href=
"http://journal.richard.levitte.org/tags/bisexuality/../../entries/pride-aftermath-and-bonding/">Europride</a>, but
that's hardly all, this has been a slowly ongoing process that's
kind of blooming right now.</p>
<p>The very basic driving force behind coming out is that I do not
want to live a closed life any more. I do not want to worry about
who knows what about me. I do not want to hide who I am. The only
way I know to resolve this is to open up, to tell people around me
who I am, and to acknowledge it for myself when doing so. This is
all the more important when I find myself in situations where I
<a href="http://journal.richard.levitte.org/tags/bisexuality/../../entries/coming-out-as-bisexual-and-fear/">end up
being scared of consequences</a>.</p>
Coming out as bisexual, and fearhttp://journal.richard.levitte.org/entries/coming-out-as-bisexual-and-fear/2008-08-11T22:17:24Z2008-08-11T21:08:32Z
<p>While <a href="http://journal.richard.levitte.org/tags/bisexuality/../../entries/coming-out-as-poly-at-work/">coming
out as poly at work</a> was fairly easy, coming out as bisexual is
harder.</p>
<p>Some may remember that I mentioned a <a href=
"http://journal.richard.levitte.org/tags/bisexuality/../../entries/I-feel-sorry/">man that's homophobic because he's
been abused by a gay man</a>... Unfortunately, that's a coworker,
and he has also told me that he can get pretty aggressive against
gay men, even for something as innocent as a pat on the back.</p>
<p><img src="http://journal.richard.levitte.org/tags/bisexuality/photos/rainbow-bracelet--medium.jpg" alt="" align=
"right" />Today, he asked me about this rainbow bracelet that I
wear (I got it in Pride Park two weekends ago), and I went on
telling him the poly folks are considering themselves queer. And
this was the moment when I felt my heart sink, since I knew full
well that I was hiding behind the poly lable. Later on, my body
reacted, I was dizzy for a couple of hours.</p>
<p>So yeah, this man scares me. The thought of how he could react
when he gets to know about my bisexuality scares me.</p>
<p><a href="http://journal.richard.levitte.org/people/ChH/" rel=
'friend ex-sweetheart met'>Charlie</a> asked me what would be the
worst that could happen. Being marginalised, frozen out, perhaps
having work-related actions started against me, bullied. Those are
the things that scare me. She reminded me, though, that there are
good anti-discimination laws in Sweden. It felt very good to be
reminded.</p>
<p>There are two possible courses of action, really; 1) to simply
bite the bullet and say what I have to say and take up any
reactions with my team leader, or 2) start with talking with the
team leader about my concerns (which is the way I've been
recommended).</p>
<p>Of course, there's the question of <a href=
"http://journal.richard.levitte.org/tags/bisexuality/../../entries/why-come-out/">why I want to tell at all</a>. In
this specific case, there's the additional matter that the man in
question seems to be very curious about people around him, I've met
very few coworkers who have taken such an interest in who I am.
Point is, he's going to find out either way, and I believe it's
better if it comes directly from me one way or another.<br />
(actually, considering this blog is completely public, I'm
surprised this guy hasn't found out yet... and yeah, he knows I'm
blogging)</p>
Pride!http://journal.richard.levitte.org/entries/pride/2008-07-29T05:45:53Z2008-07-15T14:39:01Z
<p><a href="http://www.stockholmpride.org/">Stockholm/Euro
Pride</a> is nearing and I'm getting a bit excited, as this is the
first time I'll attend (and help out as well). Got the ticket
already!</p>
<p>Damn, there's a number of things to do and to handle, and it
seems like I've a number of friends have decided to come for a
visit to Stockholm at the same time. I really need to sort it all
out so I don't get overwhelmed!</p>
<p>Let's see, I've a friend from Malmö that comes up to visit, I've
tagged July 24th for him if he wants to hang out with me then.
<a href="http://journal.richard.levitte.org/people/AsF/" rel='friend ex-sweetheart met'>Åsa</a> is
coming up with a love from Malmö. <a href=
"http://sem.hypodea.com/read/user/561">smilla</a> has just declared
that she's coming as well. Oh, and I just got the news that another
friend is visiting, from South Africa (he's lived in Sweden for a
large number of years but moved back to SA not long ago).</p>
<p>I'll have my social life filled, let me tell ya! Anyway, I hope
it'll be fun. I just hope I'll have some breathing space too
;-).</p>
<p>So, what do I plan to do, really? Uhmm, check out the cultural
side in the beginning of pride, go to a number of seminars (mostly
about polyamory, but I've seen a few more on political issues and
one about the issues with being aspie and queer (!)), and mingle at
Pride Park when I don't help out in the Poly tent or elsewhere.</p>
<p>But hey, it's still more than a week away, plans will firm up as
time goes, and I do want to spend time with <a href="http://journal.richard.levitte.org/people/ChH/"
rel='friend ex-sweetheart met'>Charlie</a> as well, never to be
forgotten.</p>
Bisexual?http://journal.richard.levitte.org/entries/bisexual/2008-07-06T23:21:28Z2005-09-02T06:29:20Z
<p>So I've been pondering this for a while now, and still don't
know. It started a few months ago at a gathering, when I couldn't
stop looking at this guy. Words like "handsome", "beautiful" and
others popped in my mind, and while I was a bit surprised, I stayed
open to the experience. I'll admit, I was probably gawking (or is
that oogling? I haven't quite grasped those words yet).</p>
<p>Since then, I've been thinking, is this another step of
discovery of myself? After all, I've usually been quite accepting
of other males' approaches. I've often described myself as
"straight and playful", and I once set off an openly bisexual man's
<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaydar" title=
"Wikipedia on gaydar">gaydar</a>. So I'm wondering, maybe I've
fooled myself all these years, and there's really yet another side
of me to discover...</p>
<p>I dunno...</p>
<p>So for the moment being, I'm considering myself
<em>in-discovery-maybe-bisexual-not-yet-out-of-the-closet</em>.
After all, I might end up finding that I'm still "straight and
playful", and that I simply am able to appreciate beauty regardless
of gender without prejudice about what it might mean.</p>
<p>Following my usual pattern, I should probably do some
experimenting to figure out where my limits are. Might be a bit
tough, though, as I'm currently in a committed monoamorous
relationship. Maybe I should simply be satisfied with the current
status and simply figure it out by thinking about it and using my
imagination. Question is, will whatever experiments I can do in my
mind be close enough to the truth and not just fantasies that
aren't more than exactly that?</p>
<p>Oh well, I'll figure it out, in due time...</p>