The more I'm living in open relationships, the more my views on what constitutes a realtionship become nuansed and varied, there are all kinds of reasons to spend time together and do whatever you do together.

(oh, I should probably mention that in this text, I'm using the term "relationship" in a fairly wide manner, so it's not limited by the idea of "being together"... for example, the classic friendship is a relationship in this context... still, I'm talking about close relationships, so it's not as wide as to include coworkers, for example)

Observing myself lately and thinking back over how I'm relating with a select nunber of people the last two years, I've identified a few components that I tend to see in the way I relate with people...

Spending time, Friendship, Play, Falling/Being in love, Intimacy, A desire to be together.

All components aren't necessarely there with each person, though. For example, it would be quite possible to enjoy spending time with someone, be friends, enjoy intimacy together but not being in love or having a desire to be together (1). Interestingly enough, some components do not need to be mutual while others do, at least for practical purposes (there's a friend that I've fallen in love with while she hasn't with me, and I feel perfectly fine, have no problems spending time with her).

While figuring this out, I've become quite conscious of how selective I can be, while at the same time not. I can play at different levels with different people and enjoy whatever there is to enjoy together, that's not being terribly selective in my view. But then, just because I'm being intimate with someone a few times, regularly or not, doesn't necessarely mean I've fallen in love or have a desire for something more committed, that's where I'm being selective.
I gotta say, though, that when all those components are there, mutually with the same person(s), sparks fly inside me. Rare gems, this doesn't happen with everyone. And that's fine.

  1. I should finish up writing about "being together" and publish it at some point... I've this draft lying about... somewhere... ↩

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