There are moments when calm, like a close person that seems very calm, or calmness per se worries me... scares me, even. It's like if I get into it, and go into calmness myself, will others (specially whose close to me) get borde and go away? Or even worse, will I get bored and walk away???

At the same time, I like the calm, quite much so! Stillness, mmmmm.

Talking about it with Ulrika, I get to realise that this may be about what I know and therefore am comfortable with... and what I know best is drama. With my mother, things can be calm, can be peaceful... until something doesn't go her way, that's when there's a certain amount of drama... and I'm realising that this is what I'm used to, this is something I've grown up with and am pretty deeply affected by. (and maybe it's no wonder that most people I've had a relationship have a certain amount of drama in them, it's within my comfort zone)

So, when I'm close with someone who seems pretty damn calm, almost rock solid, I do worry sometimes... maybe there's a small part of me that wonders when there's going to be a dramatic outburst... or that wonders when this joyful is going to end... and I will probably have to remind myself a little now and then that this is outside my weird comfort zone, that it's something that I will simply have to learn to enjoy and trust without worry, that it's worth it. Some day, I might find that it crept within my comfort zone ;-)

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