It seemed that F was getting more accepting. Lately, he's claimed to be poly-amorous, just not poly-sexual (which means in practice that it would force Åsa to stay physically on a friend's level). Well, that doesn't work well with Åsa's desires, so she's decided to give them a chance to grow more stable together before trying the poly route again, which means she's breaking away from everything poly for a time (until new years) and will make a new decision then.

The end result, of course, is that our relationship really is ended, at least in its current form. I've prepared myself for this possibility for a few days, silently sensing that things were at the very least shaky. This allowed us to have a very good even though difficult conversation on the phone about this.

I've decided to break off all contact with her for a few weeks, so I can work through releasing the ties I had built up and to change my relationship with her to that of a friend (I want to be able to get there). It wouldn't be fair, for her or for me, if I held on to a state of "waiting lover" under these circumstances, and releasing takes a bit of work and so does processing the sorrow.

Right now, I just feel sad. Anger will come as well, of course, but not yet. I wish I had a friend right here, right now, who could simply hug me.

Still, from the deepest of my heart, I wish Åsa the best of luck with whatever her life becomes and wherever it leads her.

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