I seldom go for bitterness, and I'm not sure this is it either...

But... relationships. I questioned the value of relationships today (you know, romantic/sexual, loving, all that... 'cause yeah, I know that simple friendship is a relationship as well!). Still do.

Here's the deal, I've lived through a number of relationships. The first three were 5 years long. Almost exactly in some cases. After that, all have been somewhere between 1½ and almost 3 years... short, short, short, short, short.

Yeah, I know, there are those who read this that will tell me 5 years is pretty long... and I guess it is.

But you see, I'm longing for something else. For something long. I once watched Ulrika when she was telling a story of an old memory that was kind of a marking tale of her husband, and I could see her eyes look into the distance, glazing over. It was obviously a very dear memory, and one that seemed to define her relationship with her husband... and I was envious! At the time, this memory was a bit more than 10 years old.
This is the kind of relationship I long for... and haven't been able to maintain.

I can't say what it is I'm doing to always have these fairly short relationships. I think that among others, I haven't really done much to build for length. I wish I had, but more seriously, it's something I want to do better in the future (and yeah, I've some thoughts on how).

Trouble is that, I realise I'm pretty damn selective. This isn't something I'll do with just anyone, it will take someone that I believe it really would work with. And as it is right now, the one person I currently know that I would like to do so with... that's just not something that'll happen any time soon.

But then also, I'm tired.
I'm tired of the whole meeting, flirting, bonding, getting together, crashing cycle. I think I've lost the desire to start something new, getting to know a new person, all of that. I find it hard to believe that I will get any better... I guess this is where bitterness sets in.

So, someone remind me... this whole relationship thing. Why? Why should I?

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