Just talked with a dear friend who's had a poly life, currently lives monoamorously and usually has a good grip on things.

He basically said what he does, he feels the feelings, feels the love, loves the hugs, then takes home the feelingd and channel them on his wife.

Intellectually, I could immediately see the brilliance of that method. It means no compromising your emotions, and a way to act on them without "having to resort to" cheating or leaving.
Now, all I have to do is make sure I can really integrate this into myself, that I don't go around fooling myself and compromising myself again. If I do (compromise myself), then this story is bound to happen again, and again, and again, until I resolve it for real. I'll use tomorrow's therapy session for that.