Sometimes I am afraid I'm taking things too far.
Sometimes my trust in the current words just goes away.
Sometimes I'm deeply afraid that by my actions, I will lose (again).
Sometimes I'm torturing myself with doubt.

But then, I realise that it's not about today, and it's not about those around me now. It's about ghosts from the past, it's about my history with other people, it's about hurts from long ago that come back and spook me when I least expect it. It's about things not yet entirely healed.

But maybe, through seeing quite clearly what happens and where it comes from, this will finally heal, as I look past my ghosts, as I take a clear look at the person in front of me, as I decide that yes, I can trust her words. And some day, this particular ghost will simply say goodbye and thanks for a good time.

Rest, little ghost, rest.

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